Family Story~Domestic Adoption

1. What led you to adoption? 
Each adoption happened in such different ways,
but I consider both great miracles! God truly opened our eyes and hearts to
adoption prior to our first in an amazing way. He set our feet on the path
of volunteering for children who were neglected or abused in a wonderful
program called Angels Wings. It was within this program that we realized
that children are not only resilient, but our country was in desperate need
of truly loving parents for so many children. It was also so amazing how
quickly you can bond with a child and that child with you even though you’re
not biologically related. We also found ourselves surrounded by many
neighbors and friends who adopted their children or had been adopted
themselves through Catholic Charities. 

2. What was most helpful in the beginning of your journey? 
It had to be the mutual faith in God that my husband and I had. We had grown so emotional
over the fact that we couldn’t bear our own children which caused the two of
us to not only rely heavily on one another for support, but Our Lord’s. We
went on a pilgrimage to Medjugorje, traveled together on some interesting
trips, stayed involved in the pro life moment and decided to offer each
monthly period to the end of abortion. I know that when we ultimately left
the entire infertility issue in the hands of God, we watched all of these
things unfold prior to the actual adoption.

3. What were/are your favorite adoption resources? For our first adoption
it really was the Catholic Charities counselor. She was faith-filled,
realistic and had been involved in so many adoptions that she prepared us in
the most amazing ways. She truly taught us just how important it was that
the birth mother would never be coerced by Catholic Charities to place her
child up for adoption. I loved the ultimate respect and admiration the
agency had towards all women who were considering adoption by the extensive
counseling they provided her even before suggesting she place her child up
for adoption. So, in essence it added to the entire level of respect I had
for the agency as well as the birth mother to look at life in a more
precious way. I would have to say the entire adoption process with this
counselor enhanced our marriage and allowed us to also experience the
genuine miraculous way that life comes into each of our families whether you
gave birth to your own child or were specially chosen because both are gifts
from God!

4. How did you fund your adoption? This was another major concern of ours,
yet with our first child we prepared, investigated and ultimately trusted
that God would provide. Well, we were so comforted in knowing that at that
time Catholic Charities worked with you in working the numbers depending on
your household income. There was somewhat a payment plan as well, but
overall there is great expense involved, but that should be in place when
you’re dealing with a invaluable life at hand. The serious parents will not
look at the dollar figure nor should a birthmother/parent be looking at it
as a business transaction. It’s a delicate subject, but one that should be
faced honestly.

5. Why did you choose International/Domestic/Foster? We felt very strongly
about going domestic since everyone else seemed to go internationally. We
knew of so many children right in our state who were neglected, abused,
discarded and aborted, so why should we go any further. We still feel very
strongly about how we should help our own children state-wise and
nationally. I do get that many young and inexperienced couples who
initially seek adoption fear that the birth parents will try to come back to
take their children, but that realistic percentage is sooo low that it’s sad
to think that too many have gone internationally rather than help the young
women right in their own state. Catholic Charities purposely would connect
couples with anonymous birthmothers out of their counties to heighten the
confidentiality factor. Also, no child would be placed with the adoption
parents unless both parents legally signed off on the custody of the child.
Through their thorough counseling and sound legal processes there was always
a 99% chance of no reversal in the adoption process (no fear of birthmother
trying to take custody of child). This brought us comfort in knowing that
we were choosing the right way in adopting our child(ren) domestically.

6. Anything you would say to encourage those still on the fence? Don’t
rush the process, but be open to it. Get to Adoration and present your
fears, concerns and/or desires to Jesus in the Eucharist, then watch what He
does to give you all the answers you need. It might happen quickly or take
years, but once you’ve leaned on Him, He will not abandon you. Personally
every great Catholic couple, whether they have children now or not, should
avail themselves to adopt for the very reason of where our country stands
right now on abortion. This may be considered an overall obnoxiously pushy
statement, but given how abortion is killing off our future generations in
the United States, I think we owe it to the survival of our country and our
souls (who have been given so much in the US) to consider saving the unborn
in this fashion. I’ve met so many great Catholic homeschoolers throughout
the past few years since I’ve started homeschooling that their openness to
large families just dictates how great a life all adopted children could
have if they opened their hearts and homes to them. Birthmothers in a
crisis pregnancy just need to know we’re out there to help them from the
mistake or victimization they had experienced. Sorry to get off the track,
but I do feel that this lifetime gesture to adopt is incredibly rewarding
since both parent and child benefit greatly on earth and you are doing the
ultimate act of clothing, feeding and providing for Our Lord when you help
your neighbor (adopt a child).

7. Any adjustments/challenges with your child/children Aren’t there always
even with natural born children? Autism, Down Syndrome, unhealthy,
misbehaved, defiant children are born everyday and not exclusively adopted
children. And, depending on how you look at life, they can be the greatest
blessings too. Our first child had a family history of ADHD and he had
major speech delays. Well, when he was diagnosed on the autism spectrum we
initially feared the worst, but grew to feel quite honored that God
entrusted us with this beautiful vulnerable soul. He has developed so
beautifully because we relied on God’s guidance and those of the therapists
we met and now we’re homeschooling one of the most amazing sons. He is
funny, smart and truly unique. We embrace what Dr. Ray said in one of his
talks that the defiant ones can make the best priests. Well, we’re holding
him to it! Ha. Seriously, our second adoption and is a precious one at
that due to God opening our hearts to disabilities and the Godliness you
find in those most vulnerable. Our second child was adopted by another
heroic birth mother and she had her own issues. Her unselfish soul chose
life rather than the pressures presented to her to abort. We were graced to
adopt her child and know in our hearts that the Blessed Mother and Our Lord
chose us to raise this child along with our son. I truly mean to say this
in the most humble way, so don’t get me wrong when I share this perspective.
I just feel in all the circumstances surrounding both adoptions that as a
couple who discover they’re pregnant there’s that beautiful feeling in your
heart that you have just been given the greatest gift by God, His customized
creation for you to raise. 

8. What was your biggest fear? Honestly, I was one of those Moms who
feared the birth mother coming back for her child and thinking she not only
had the power legally to do that, but that our child would also never feel
completely at home with us. Those concerns were quickly dispelled once we
with the Catholic Charities counselor and held our first child in our arms.
The entire journey leading up to the adoption truly helped us grow confident
in this decision. We also felt that by just taking the steps to adopt that
Our Lord would’ve presented sound obstacles if it wasn’t meant to be and in
these two adoptions we had none.

9. What has been your greatest blessing? My husband. He has been as
mutually excited about adopting which surprised me since he is not
necessarily the most impulsive or emotional one in this relationship. I
just go for things and many times without thinking and thank God he’s the
opposite. So, when adoption became our option, his opinion and directives
were the most important barometer in my opinion. If my husband wasn’t
completely on board then I felt we should not pursue it. And, it’s been
that way with every major decision in our household whether I liked it or
not because I knew it was in our entire family’s best interest. He is such
an amazing father to both our son and daughter that I could see that it
really must be a mutually comfortable and sound decision.

10. Please feel free to touch on or add anything I didn’t address! I
really pray that adoption becomes the initial option for all crisis
pregnancies out there. There are so many couples being sold a bag of goods
that fertility drugs, invitro, etc. are the only ways to go to have a family
when there are so many children who would be available to love and raise as
their own. I pray that there will be more brave pregnant women, their
boyfriends, parents, even grandparents who would promote adoption. I
remember a time when it was considered heinous to even conceive the notion
of abortion, but now it’s the norm, it’s a birth control method just like
any other. I pray our own children, upon their own conviction speak out and
evangelize the importance of choosing life and promote adoption. I wish
Catholic Charities wouldn’t close so many of their adoption services and
instead market this life providing option. I wish there would be more like
you making a big deal about adoption! So as you can see from just my own
personal experiences with adoption, I would love to see the mentality of
Americans turn their hearts back to the desires of the traditional family,
which is open to raising children in a loving and faith-filled environment.



Thanks Laureen, for sharing your beautiful story!