Family Story~Family Adoption

I wanted to share Andrew’s story because it is out of the realm of what we know as a “normal” adoption path.  Adoption chose them!


I’m not sure that we really qualify under the “adoption” title but
thought I’d briefly tell you our story and let you be the judge.

In January, 2002, we had an 8 yr old boy come to live with us.  He is the
son of my husband’s cousin.  He’d been living in FL (we’re in GA) and his
father had called hubby’s mom and basically said he was an alcoholic and
was going into rehab and could she take Andrew for a few weeks/months. 
She was going out of town a lot back then to take care of her aging
parents so she asked us if we’d take care of Andrew the weeks she was out
of town (which generally was about 50-75% of the time).  We didn’t think
it was a good thing for Andrew to be tossed around like that between 2
homes when he’d be having such a huge adjustment leaving his dad and
friends and everything as it was.  So, we decided we’d take care of him. 

Again, we’d been told it would be for a few months or weeks.  Later we
learned his dad was actually in trouble w/ the law (DUI accident w/
Andrew in the car) and he ended up going to jail for a while.  In the
meantime we learned from Andrew just what sort of life he’d been living
(didn’t have regular meals, missed more school days than he attended,
some physical abuse but mostly neglect and was used to his dad living a
wild loose lifestyle).  We got him into counseling and when his dad
wanted him back we said no…not until he completed rehab.  Anyway,
nearly 9 years later Andrew is still here w/ us.

A lot of your questions wouldn’t really apply in our situation I guess,
but some of them still do.  Obviously, we did not choose “adoption” nor
even fostering…it really chose us.  Back then we had no children.  God
had ideally been preparing us for Andrew.  It just seemed like every
intricate little jagged edge of our side of the puzzle, fit ever so
perfectly with Andrew’s piece.  

I had been working through a fairly severe anxiety problem and was not
working outside the home at the time.  Andrew needed somebody who was
going to be there the whole time and help him work through his problems. 
He was very behind in school and classified himself as being stupid and
not any good at it.  We discovered he had a slight learning disability
(dyslexia I believe) and it was a lot of work getting him caught up–much
of it just getting him to have the desire to do it.  He’d lost his mom
(divorce) when he was 3 and then lived a rough life until he lost his dad
when he was 8.  Why should he care about anything?  He had a lot of
behaviour issues at school too (diagnosed w/ADHD)–which he still does
from time to time.  But he’s also gained confidence and has been on the
honor roll many times since 2nd grade.  Despite his dyslexia he is a
voracious reader.  

Initially, when we thought he’d only be with us a short time, we didn’t
have him take Catholic instruction.  And maybe for good reason as it
became something he really really wanted to do.  I forget if he was at
the end of 2nd or the start of 3rd grade when he started classes but he
did and eventually became Catholic and has recieved all of the sacraments
through Confirmation.  Maybe because he never felt he really had anything
to hang his hat on before, but he became “staunchly Catholic”.  Equipped
with many apologetics lessons at home he loved to go out and tell people
why they should be Catholic…yeah, didn’t win him a lot of friends here
in the deep South.  About a year ago he first told me he is discerning
the priesthood.  He mentioned a couple weeks ago that he still is.  But
as he is only yet a Junior in highschool, he has a while to figure that
out.

With all of this in mind I’ll try to answer your questions below; perhaps
it may be of some use to your project

1. What led you to adoption?  God–much like your quote from John 15:16,
we didn’t choose adoption for ourselves, God chose it for us.

2. What was most helpful in the beginning of your journey?  Prayer. 
Seriously.


4.  How did you fund your adoption?  N/A although the child care costs
themselves we just paid out of pocket.  Later on, because they qualify
him as a “foster child“, he was able to get free lunches at school & free
insurance.  He also is now on Social Security due to his dad’s
“disability”.


6.  Anything you would say to encourage those still on the fence? 
Allowing a child into your life is always a scary unknown but looking
back you will marvel at the abundance of good that came from it in ways
you could never ever have imagined.  (Personal note:  I mentioned having
a severe anxiety issue.  It was so bad I’d been virtually housebound at
one point.  I’d been making good progress before Andrew arrived but had
been worried about being able to drive him places he might need to go. 
Unexpectedly, my progress took off like a rocket and God allowed me to
really expand my previous limits.  This was just one of the many many
blessings that came from Andrew’s being w/ us.)

7.  Any adjustments/challenges with your child/children.  Well, your
whole focus on life changes.  When you’re single you only have to worry
about you.  When you’re married you just worry about yourself and your
spouse but when there’s a child they count on you for everything and you
have to rework your whole life around theirs.  That was a real fast eye
opener–to jump into instant parenthood.  And once we’d jumped it was
like the whole meaning of life just fell into place.  I had this really
strong immense sense of purpose suddenly—that life was about raising
children.  I mean, that may seem like a no-brainer but it hit me very
strongly.

8.  What was your biggest fear?  That I wouldn’t be able to provide him
w/ everything he needed.

9.  What has been your greatest blessing?  There are so so many I cannot
begin to recount nor even remember them all.  But the biggest blessings,
in our case, was the birth of our daughter and son.  I realize in most
cases there wouldn’t be much correlation between caring for a child not
your own and having bioligical children, but in my case, given the
anxiety-issue, it really was.  And Andrew was instumental in this for a
2nd reason–hubby (who is a convert to the faith) did NOT want to have
children.  I think seeing that he could parent Andrew, helped him get
beyond this.

10.  Please feel free to touch on or add anything I didn’t address!  I’d
like to just add that in years before Andrew came, hubby was very much
opposed to adopting (and he’s adopted–go figure).  He always said you
never know what you’ll get–what kind of mental problems a kid might have
and what kind of trouble they’ll bring.  I personally would’ve been happy
to adopt a baby or very small child but doubt I’d ever even have
considered an 8 yr old (especially one we knew came from an alcoholic
home and a mother w/ bi-polar and a father w/ oppositional defiance
disorder (previously termed sociopath)).  We KNEW this kid come w/ a lot
of baggage and problems.  But while he takes more time and attention, God
sends you what you need–including the graces to deal w/ things and know
what to do.  Even w/ the problems that came along, I think taking Andrew
into our home was the best thing we ever did in either of our lives and
has paid off far more than it has cost.  If you’re thinking about
adoption don’t limit yourself to a baby.  There are many advantages to
adopting/fostering older children.


Megan, Thanks for sharing your story!