Mourning After the Move

I’m so grateful for my friend Patty @ Reasons for Chocolate and for her post today! She has been a big support through our move and I appreciate her insight.

One of my favorite songs ever is Home, by Phillip Phillips, for so many reasons.  It is so inspirational and uplifting, encouraging and rousing.  I have danced to it, twirling around my living room with my 20 month old in my arms laughing.  It is a favorite during the warm up sessions at my oldest daughter’s swimming meets.  I think of my father singing the lyrics and cheering on my mother (in spirit) as she continues to rock on her recovery from extensive back surgery.  So what does this have to do with “Mourning After the Move”?

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave (wave) is stringing us along
Just know you’re not along
Cause I’m gonna make this place your home

Moving our Family

Six years ago, my husband and I uprooted our children, said good bye to our family and friends, and made the 700 mile move to Texas.  Three months after settling into our new home, I was hit with a tidal wave of sadness over the loss of my family and friends.  It would prove to be a period of mourning for which this homeschool mom had no clue would be so painful.

Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

During a four month period leading up to the actual move, my role was three pronged in support.  The middle spike was the most important, my dear husband.  He had to come to the conclusion that selling his cabinet business of 12 years, (the one we both sweat blood and tears building together), would not be a badge of disgrace or dishonor. On the contrary!  The entrepreneurial gifts that God had blessed him with had carried us to the next level.  I never entertained the thought of disappointment when looking back at what my husband had built for us, only to sell.  His success was something that attracted the attention of a major cabinet manufacturing company.  They hired him as the new District Manager for the Dallas area, a job that brought more financial stability.

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave (wave) is stringing us along
Just know you’re not along
Cause I’m gonna make this place your home

The second prong was incredibly important to me.  This prong represented my mother, a widow of only one year.  Losing her daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren was another “loss” for her.  Mom’s heart was still so fragile after the devastating loss of my father.  At the same time, I was preparing my in-laws who were almost 80.  This would be a “loss” to them as well.  My in-laws would now be 1,000 miles away.

Moving our Children

Prong number three represented my dear children.  How do you prepare your homeschooled children for such a move?  Their emotions ran the gamut from fear and sadness to excitement and wonder.  The amount of emotion I had invested in them and their sense of security drained me completely.  There are really no other words to adequately explain it.

First Christmas in Texas

Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

What fumes were left in my tank were spent on helping my children find and make new friends.  This is the biggest difference between moving a homeschool family compared to a traditional schooled family.  Moving and entering a new school at least gives the child a chance to make a new friend the first day of school.  This is not possible with home schooling.  It took awhile to join or attend homeschool social functions or co-op classes.  

When I was finally able to take a step back from supporting others, my own heart broke in two.  It was my turn to mourn and grieve the dear, homeschool mom friends and family I had left  back up in Illinois.  Good mothers always find themselves at the end of the line, don’t they?  Being at the end of the line, mourning after the move, proved to be so incredibly painful.  

The weight of this pain can crush a soul or make the soul stronger bit by bit.  I chose to grow stronger.  To be quite honest, the mourning stage never really ends.  The sting lessons, it really does, and God does give you blessings to help fill the losses along the way.  I will never stop missing being a cup of coffee away from my mother, but I have been blessed with a bountiful bouquet of flowers here in Texas.  My new friends have taken me to another level, just as my husband’s cabinet shop lead us to Texas.

*  I want to thank my sweet friend, Jen @ Forever, For Always, No Matter What, for inviting me to share my own personal experience of moving a home school family half way across the United States.  Patty blogs at Reasons for Chocolate where she shares life as a Catholic, homeschooling mom of 5.  She also shares wonderful recipes and some craftiness  

Be sure to to check out the other blogs in the Autumn 2013 Hopscotch.