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There are many things that I would change in the years since I became a Mom. Here are a few of the biggest “mistakes” I made. Â
I hope you will take them to heart and not make the same mistakes!
Learn to trust your mom instincts and surround yourself with others in the know.
Adoption Mistakes
Throw away the “What to Expect” books – I would have quit worrying about trying to be normal and just enjoy being a Mom. Â Jacob came home at six months old. Â Because the book “What to Expect the First Year” said children should be weaned from the bottle at 12 months, that’s what I did. Â After only six months of being bottle fed by his forever Mom and Dad, I decided he would be much better off drinking from a cup. Â Makes me tear up just thinking about it! Â It wouldn’t have mattered one whit how long he drank from a bottle, except that we would have had that much more one on one time together. Â
Focus most on attachment – I would have focused more on building attachment than on building fine or gross motor skills.  For a majority of kids those skills will come naturally, even if a bit late, attachment takes more focused, continual work.
Find a Pediatrician who understands your needs of your family – I should have changed pediatricians a long time ago. Â I kept justifying not changing because thankfully we never had to go much, it was just a necessary evil for the most part. Â It’s worth it to find a pediatrician who supports adoption, big families, adjusted immunization schedules and even homeschooling. Â
Live in a diverse community – Truthfully I poo-pooed this idea for a long time. Â As my kids were getting older though, I noticed this becoming more of a necessity. Â With our recent move from Michigan to Florida, we are in a larger, much more diverse community. Â What a tremendous difference it is to go about a our day at the grocery store, library, church, and sports and see a wide variety of people. Â
Start therapy sooner – Attachment Therapy has been such a blessing for our family. Â I wish we would have started sooner. Â I know families are still unsure about asking for help and thinking “it’s not that bad”. Â Don’t wait until it gets “bad”. Â Don’t let a perceived stigma stop you from getting the help you need for your family to go beyond just surviving to thriving.
Never stop learning – Always be willing to grow and change, be humble.  Parenting is a constantly evolving process.  Adoption parenting can be a game changer.  I know it’s hard but often changing the  way we’ve always done things is what needs to be done.
I’m linking up with List it TuesdayÂ
Could you explain the “why” to the necessity of having a diverse community beyond the “I said so” argument?
Just want a cogent argument to dwell on.
Thank you for sharing! These are great tips! I have never heard of attachment therapy before. Great post!
~Sarah
Can you explain more about attachment therapy? We have three adopted daughters. We still struggle with the first two (adopted 4.5 years ago). Our newest daughter bonded so quickly (and us to her). Would love to know what your doing to improve attachment years after adoption. Thanks!!
Sure, I will try anyway! I think for most of us we take for granted that we grow up surrounded by people who look like we do. When we grow up in a family where our parents look different {i.e. different color} we naturally seek out others who look similar to us. I think as a way of connection and as a way of imagining what we could be like or look like as an adult. Interestingly enough tonight we were driving in the car and my brown daughter was talking about what she was going to be/do as an adult. She was talking about being a mom and said “I’m going to have to find some brown babies!” Also, she said she doesn’t see any brown moms around, I reminded her that she does see them now at church, and the grocery store as well as the neighborhood. I hope that helps a bit, thanks for the question.
Maybe this post will help explain a bit: http://heidihesssaxton.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/attachment-therapy-one-familys-story-guest-post-by-forever-for-always-no-matter-what/ And please, always feel free to e-mail me and I can share more!
I heartily agree with all of these! Wish I wouldn’t have been in such a hurry to “catch up” my 11 month old son when he came home. Wish I had thrown away every parenting book that wasn’t adoption-specific. Wish I had prepared myself for a “newborn” phase rather than a “chronological age”. Glad you’re educating others!
DH and I were older parents when our first arrived home (38 & 35). After all our reading about adoption and preparing, I think we were fairly realistic about what to expect. However, I never did figure out how to respond to really stupid comments people made!!
My SIL expected us to pack up our newly-arrived from Korea, son who was 3-1/2 months old. We were expected to fly for Thanksgiving with her family and the in-laws. “Oh, he’s old enough. He’ll be sleeping through the night!” she said. (Yea right! His night is our day! Not to say anything about his new home, new family, new formula, new bottles, etc. etc.) We just replied that our PCP recommended that we stay at home and bond with our new baby and keep him healthy by staying away from crowds; new germs too!
Then came: “Are they really brother and sister?” “Yes, they really are.” “No, I mean are they really brother and sister?” “Yes, they really are brother and sister. I’m their mom and T’s their dad.” “No, I mean are they really, really brother and sister?” “I know what you’re asking, but can you understand that I really, really, don’t feel like sharing that information with you!!”